Graphical Mix-Ups Continue at Public News Channel

BALTIMORE—The numerous incorrect or irrelevant diagrams, photographs and illustrations during local news reports over the past few weeks are unacceptable, Baltimore Evening News producers have admitted. The mistakes have been scattered but have largely occurred during the daily “News At BEN” ten o’clock segment.

“At Baltimore Evening News, we strive towards top-notch journalism and a steadfast work ethic”, BEN chief editor Theo Semtex states in a taped apology to be aired later this week. “In these rare instances, however, we did not meet our standards, and we offer you, the Baltimore public, our full and humble apology.”

The first incident took place during a live link-up with political reporter John Rampant in Washington. Instead of a graph representing President Obama’s approval ratings, viewers were presented with a video clip of a pair of scissors being shaken underwater. They have only got more peculiar since then; an early morning report on drug safety ended in a full-screen photograph of a squinting man head-butting a dollar bill.

“It is inconceivable that these events resulted from malfunctions”, Semtex goes on to confirm. “Most likely we are being targeted by some kind of fundamentalist group opposed to our varied subject matters and popularity in the all-important 18-34 demographic.” He concludes by making a pledge to the audience. “We will get to the bottom of these terrorist acts and we will unleash the full force of a publically-funded news network upon those responsible.”

Controversy is not the only thing drawing attention to the odd disruptions. Local viewer Roger Reed, a media student and cryptology enthusiast, is convinced that the replacement videos and images mean something. “I was sitting there ready to watch the footage of the new Walmart opening when they aired that repeating clip of a puppet doing backflips across Joseph Stalin’s back. The puppet was in red, just like the soviets. The soviets advancing? Joseph Stalin’s back? It all adds up to one thing: the government, and aliens.”

Until an explanation is found, BEN will be using minimal graphical support for its stories and an extra three temporary employees will be available to provide narration.